A Career In The Arts: Idealized or Ideal?

My whole life, I’ve wanted to be an artist. When I went to Fine Arts School, it wasn’t really talked about that many of us would end up working service industry jobs after graduation, making art “on the side.” Some of us have jobs in the arts, and maybe 1 or 2% are making art full-time—which, for most of us in my cohort, was the dream. Or at least, it’s what we imagined being a “real” artist meant.

Being an artist in America is wrapped up in a capitalistic narrative that says you’re not really one unless you can financially support yourself doing it. Which, let’s be real, not many people can. Logically, I know you’re an artist if you make art. But the competitiveness and scarcity mindset of capitalism tells us otherwise.

Even though I understand all of this, and I’m still quite young, I still beat myself up for not achieving what often feels like an impossible goal. That feeling of low self-worth only deepens when I get rejection emails week after week, when I compare myself to peers, scrolling through social media, and seeing handfuls of content romanticizing being a full-time artist.

If you’re an artist or creative, you’ve probably stumbled across YouTube videos with titles like:
“How I Made $15,000 This Month Selling My Art | You Can Do It Too!”
“A Day in the Life of a Self-Employed Artist”
“Financial Breakdown: How I Make Money as a Full-Time Artist”

Maybe these videos are algorithmically targeted just for me, but I have a feeling a lot of us see them.

The content is typically a dreamy montage: someone starts their day with matcha and journaling, makes a yummy breakfast, then dives into their art practice, documenting it all with aesthetic lighting and lo-fi music. They break for lunch, take a calming walk, open a PO box full of fan mail or free art, and go back to creating. I do enjoy watching this kind of content—it’s cozy, relaxing, and aspirational. But after watching, I often feel a wave of self-loathing or jealousy.
Why can’t that be me?
How do I get to that point?
Is that the dream and final form of an art career?

Those financial breakdown videos—juxtaposed with serene visuals of yoga, painting, and matcha—almost remind me of Andrew Tate content, if he were a mid-twenties artsy girl instead of a psychotic misogynist. I know that sounds extreme, but hear me out: both display a romanticized, curated version of their lives. Both say, “This lifestyle is accessible. You can have this too. Just work hard!!” And then he gets you to sign up for hustle university. 

Now, to be clear, most cozy self-employed art YouTubers aren’t peddling pyramid schemes. But the message is still alluring: this isn’t just what I have, it’s something you can have too.
Is that true? I don’t know.

There’s one YouTuber I love, Uncomfy aka Tammy. I admire her so much: her words, her art, her energy, her apartment, her whole vibe. She’s definitely made the kind of videos I’m talking about. For a while, she was a major source of inspiration for me. But I’d also end up feeling inadequate after watching her. I’d wonder:
Why am I not mailing out hundreds of orders each weekend?
Why can’t I have that gorgeous apartment in Denver, that chill creative rhythm, that success?

Recently, Tammy posted a video announcing a big pivot. She shared that she’s no longer making handmade art as part of her business. Instead, she’s moving toward manufacturing goods and outsourcing labor. She opened up about the physical and emotional toll that making art all day took on her—how she often neglected eating, sleeping, and basic needs just to maintain the illusion of a cozy, effortless life.

Tammy seems genuine, and honestly, I’m so glad she shared that. It offered perspective. It reminded me that behind that aesthetic, there was real strain and sacrifice. It also made me feel less alone, less “incompetent” for not selling out my own shop every weekend.
(Though honestly, we shouldn't feel incompetent in the first place—but many of us do.)

In her video, Tammy also spoke about the emotional consequences of turning your passion into a business. She described the burnout that comes from making art prolifically, not for joy or expression, but purely to make money. That hit me hard.
Burnout is rough in any job. But when the thing burning you out is also the thing that gives your life meaning? That’s a different kind of grief.

Art is my solace. My sanctuary. My spiritual practice. It’s one of my reasons for being alive. If doing it started to feel like something that was hurting me—or if I had to stop altogether—I don’t know what I’d do.

So where do artists find balance within capitalism?

I think it would help if content creators shared more transparency around what their day-to-day really looks like. I’m sure it was hard for Tammy to come forward, especially given how much of her brand (and income) was tied to that image. But she did it. That’s brave.

I don’t have a clean conclusion. I don’t have a five-step plan for solving this tension. But I do think we need to keep talking about it—careers in the arts, what it actually means to be an artist, and why certain creative lifestyles get romanticized in the first place.

Just some food for thought. And it might take a while to chew.

SF ART BOOK FAIR RECAP

Last week James + I went to San Francisco and we were lucky enough to catch the tail end of their Art Book Fair!!! It was the biggest art book fair I’ve ever seen. There were at least 5,000 people there and we got there Sunday afternoon.

The vendors were all incredibly innovative. After seeing what they have on display I def understand why I was rejected from this fair. I have a long way to go, and it seems like I just have so much more work I have to make, and so much work to put into realizing my artistic vision. I know I will get there, but it will take so much more work and time. I am a baby, but I was there to learn and soak it all up.

San Francisco Art Book Fair

Courtney Sennish

We splurged and purchased this gorgeous print by Courtney Sennish, a printmaker local to Oakland, CA. So cool because we both follow her on instagram so it was cool to see her stuff IRL. SF was dope af!! We will be back, and if youre an artist looking to see some cool shit, we highly recommend the SF ART BOOK FAIR

:3 MEOW WOLF TRASHION SHOW RECAP

7/11/2024 James Daniels (AKA CLIFFSIDE FLOWERS) and I participated in Meow Wolf Grapevine's Anniversary Show that was an amalgamation of performances, fashion, drag, and games, that came together to form a “Trashion Show”. 

Our piece Titled "2003 Garage Sale" was created by collecting donated old electronic waste. This included everything from broken Xboxes, cell phones, wires, record players, you name it. Those pieces were one by one deconstructed to extract motherboards, chips, fans, and all the cool shiny bits that are underneath the typical beige and boring shell. The motherboards and chips were strung together, similarly to how chain mail is, in order to form an armored vest. Cell phones were linked into a chain with charms, the phones themselves acting as if they were jewels, despite their clunky nature. Old platform heels from high school became a collage surface for these green tech chips to be bolted into. I felt like the headless horseman, although instead of a pumpkin for a head, I had a 2003 gaming TV. We attached an N64 controller to give the illusion that I could be played. 

I walked to a sound montage of snip its of our favorite old game cube games, such as Luigi’s Mansion that was a composition by m3 + my fwend Ava Blankmeyer. I walked onto the stage with the sound of of Luigi slipping with a “WOAH” and losing all his coins. I then turned on my TV that powered LEDS that made my eye SHINE.

The experience was colorful, overthetop, and carefree. Which is what I love about MEOW WOLF. All the other designers and modeled were insanely nice + cool. We are lucky we got to do this project together as romantic + creative partners!! Lets keep going. We even got a feature in The Dallas Observer which you can observe HERE

Costume by James Page Daniels + Kenley Turner

Model: Kenley Turner

Walk Track: Ava Blakmeyer + Kenley Turner

THANKS MEOW WOLF + SOUTHWEST AIRLINES FOR DOING THIS!

Dioramas + Escapism

Escapism is a mental diversion from unpleasant aspects of daily life, typically through activities involving imagination or entertainment. Escapism also may be used to occupy one's self away from persistent feelings of depression or general sadness.

It can be difficult to have a growth mindset. It can make it to where being contemptuous is hard. There is always something new to chase and it can make you feel like you’re on a hamster wheel and you can’t get off. I think we all have a place that we imagine ourselves going to when things are overbearing or even dull. Spending time and building that place though can take your mind off things instead of stewing in your mind is good. Creating something and putting new things into the world is good. It’s good to expand your mind build new skills and use your imagination. This is the healthiest distraction I think I can come up with.

This is student work from my Small Sculpture: Dioramas class. The work is very introspective and reflects places of memories or nostalgia for a place that they’ve never been. Being able to actually create it made it real and actualizes it for a place you can visit in your mind.

I wish these places were real, so I could go here and simply exist.

A Seer Told Me What Would Happen in March…

I am really excited to share my work in some really awesome DIY - artists-run events. I will be sharing zines in Dallas Art Book Fair + Riso Rama’s Paradiso! So honored to show work alongside some really amazing talent.

Come experience a workshop at Oil and Cotton! Transform a small space in “Small Sculpture: Dioramas Workshop”

Digital Art: Sticker Making Workshop 2.24.24

I’m glad I was able to teach a sticker-making workshop at Oil and Cotton to share Photoshop skills and prepare files for dicutting!

Here are the skills we learned:
1. Eating yummy snacks 😜
2. Diverging ideas for design creation
3. Using Adobe Capture to convert images into vectors
4. Using Adobe Photoshop to add layers of color to complete images
5. Export Files for dicutting
6. Learning to prepare sticker sheets with laminate and send them through the dicutter!

The students were very creative and patient learners and I am so happy with the work they created! Learning photoshop can be daunting at first but they truly did amazing! People were approaching this from all skill levels, and I think everyone did great! I hope to stay connected with them. I hope to be a resource people can use. <3

Here are future workshops + events I hope to see you at!

Boyfriends Get off The Stage!

I’ve been a musician for about 12 years. I went to a performing arts high school for guitar and played in multiple bands, playing around town, and even got to tour a couple of times, with my main band The Bombs! 

I’ve noticed, by just a personal census, that band demographics have always seemed like girl singers with boy bands. You can have a band as long as there are boys in it to back you up. It’s not that there are no female musicians, there are just not nearly as many in the contemporary music world. Even when you think about mainstream pop music. There’s The Go Go’s, Prince’s band, The Revolution, and also HER, who’s fucking amazing (to name a few). There are tons of girl singers, but not really girl bands, or at least not enough to make it a regular norm. 

This year at the Grammys, Boygenius won Best Rock Performance and accepted their award wearing white men's wear, black Chelsea boots, and a pink carnation. A fashion statement commenting on the male-dominated competition in their category. After winning Phoebe Bridgers then ROASTED Neil Portnow, the former CEO of the recording academy, because 1. He is most likely a sexual abuser 2. He stated that women need to step up to the plate to be recognized! I don’t have any sources beyond Pheobe Bridgers, but honestly fuck that guy. It is very believable because (not exaggerating) all female artists have experienced this to some extent. 

Boygenius roasts Neil Portnow

Woman Singers - it is not out of the “norm” for a band to be front-manned by a woman. However, to get to this spot and shine female singers are often pressured by producers and other people in the industry to be flirtatious and submissive. Also if the band backing her is female, she is not treated with the same level of respect that a woman who is backed by male artists. 

Woman Instrumentalists - Just fuck Neil Portnow. EW. There are plenty of mediocre male instrumentalists that have countless accolades. John Mayer comes to mind… But the famous mainstream female instrumentalists that I can maybe count on both hands had to work twice as hard to get the recognition that they deserve. Also, I know plenty of female singers who can play an instrument but decide to just sing because the instrument was taken out of their hands by a guy. 

There was one very notable time when I was playing with my girl gang band, The Bombs, where this douchebag who was working sound approached us while we were setting up our stage. When we were ready to do soundcheck, he hollerED at us, “girlfriends off the stage NOW”. We looked around super confused because we weren’t sure what he meant. He looks at us disapproving and sassily pointing down like “get off”, not realizing we were THE BAND. 

We’re not asking for a lot, but it's 2024 and it's still somehow considered an astonishing accomplishment when a girl group wins best rock performance. also, we would like for people to assume that we’re the band if we’re on stage setting up. And we would like to not be sexually harassed.  

I am also white. What is it like for female musicians dealing with cross sectionality of experiencing multiple types of oppression by these fucking guys? I’m sorry ladIEs!!! 

On the flip side, playing music with other women is extremely refreshing. It is very supportive, and we have trust that another woman is actually capable of doing something, whereas I feel like men a lot of the time assume that we need help or just simply can’t do it. It’s a space where we listen to each other. This past weekend I played with an amazing group for Dharma, playing her new song, “Nobody Special” for NPR’s Tiny Desk audition. I was beyond happy when Dharma said she wanted to sing and play drums simultaneously. It was a very, “Fuck yes, we can do anything” moment. When we were playing I knew we sounded great, and we were all women, and we knew what we were doing. So, yes, Neil Portnow GO FUCK YOURSELF!! 

Members:

Dharma Kikkeri ~ Lead Vocals + Drums
Nina Marguglio ~ Bass
Melody Tang ~ Keys
Kenley Turner ~ Guitar + Backing Vocals

Special thanks to Alex Owens of Pure Life Recording

Nihilism in Art as an Artist (Why I Love Zines)

I don’t think I’ve ever seen more mental breakdowns, witnessed more self-doubt, or seen more feelings of depreciation than when I was in art school. But, at the same time, it was one of the best experiences of my life. I think myself, and my classmates all had this feeling of “why am I doing this? We’re going to be poor when we get out of here..” Not to mention the odds that my whole class was going to move on and continue to be an artist outside of school was very small. Why were we doing this?? Going thousands of dollars into debt to go into a field that is oversaturated, not really 100% beneficial to society, in a field that is known for not being lucrative at all?? We were doing it because for some reason we needed to. Within ourselves. And that’s a feeling that you can’t explain to other people who aren’t artists.  

Leaving school, I think for everyone, is very difficult, and for an artist, it can seem challenging when there is no clear-cut path. When you leave accounting school, you go to work for an accounting firm. When you leave law school, you work at a law firm. When you leave medical school, you become a nurse or a doctor and work at a hospital. But then again, as someone who is not a part of the corporate world at all, there are many “normal” jobs that I don’t understand. For example, what do business people do? Business? I didn’t know what that meant as a child and I honestly still have no clue what that means…

The number of experiences for this varies for the number of people on earth, but going from school to the professional world is such an intense wake-up call. I’m like “Oh, people don’t want my silly undergrad work about fake Facebook pages in their art boogie ass art gallery?” “They mainly want large fake Jackson Pollock paintings?” “I really just wanted to make a video of me pretending to eat spaghetti made out of sliced-up steel sheets or a video of people pouring water on my head.” “That doesn’t make money??” 

I know it sounds silly, but I find it hard that people don’t want to see you be as weird as you really are. You have to wake up early, and find something that will keep your lights on, and it's probably going to take up all your time. When am I supposed to even work on performances that are going to make me the next Marina Abramovic? Well, there’s only one of her and a million of us that want to be just like her. 9 times out of 10 I feel selfish for dreaming, but grateful for what I have. 

I find this competitive nature of not just the art world, but society in general to be exhausting. I think most people my age do. We’re not FINANCIAL GENIUSES like Boomers. And we’re not Technological pioneers like Millennials. What are we? I think a lot of us are thinking it doesn’t matter. For a lot of artists, like myself, zines hold space for a feeling like this. It is a space with no expectations and it can be anything or nothing, all wrapped up in something personal and tangible, like a book. Because of this, it is an object that rids itself of capitalistic competition in exchange for brother and sisterhood and community. They become a tool to navigate our world with sheer intentions. Other art forms do this as well of course, but there is something about a homegrown zine that is the essence of what pure intentions of art-making are. I love every single one, especially the shitty ones.