Boyfriends Get off The Stage!

I’ve been a musician for about 12 years. I went to a performing arts high school for guitar and played in multiple bands, playing around town, and even got to tour a couple of times, with my main band The Bombs! 

I’ve noticed, by just a personal census, that band demographics have always seemed like girl singers with boy bands. You can have a band as long as there are boys in it to back you up. It’s not that there are no female musicians, there are just not nearly as many in the contemporary music world. Even when you think about mainstream pop music. There’s The Go Go’s, Prince’s band, The Revolution, and also HER, who’s fucking amazing (to name a few). There are tons of girl singers, but not really girl bands, or at least not enough to make it a regular norm. 

This year at the Grammys, Boygenius won Best Rock Performance and accepted their award wearing white men's wear, black Chelsea boots, and a pink carnation. A fashion statement commenting on the male-dominated competition in their category. After winning Phoebe Bridgers then ROASTED Neil Portnow, the former CEO of the recording academy, because 1. He is most likely a sexual abuser 2. He stated that women need to step up to the plate to be recognized! I don’t have any sources beyond Pheobe Bridgers, but honestly fuck that guy. It is very believable because (not exaggerating) all female artists have experienced this to some extent. 

Boygenius roasts Neil Portnow

Woman Singers - it is not out of the “norm” for a band to be front-manned by a woman. However, to get to this spot and shine female singers are often pressured by producers and other people in the industry to be flirtatious and submissive. Also if the band backing her is female, she is not treated with the same level of respect that a woman who is backed by male artists. 

Woman Instrumentalists - Just fuck Neil Portnow. EW. There are plenty of mediocre male instrumentalists that have countless accolades. John Mayer comes to mind… But the famous mainstream female instrumentalists that I can maybe count on both hands had to work twice as hard to get the recognition that they deserve. Also, I know plenty of female singers who can play an instrument but decide to just sing because the instrument was taken out of their hands by a guy. 

There was one very notable time when I was playing with my girl gang band, The Bombs, where this douchebag who was working sound approached us while we were setting up our stage. When we were ready to do soundcheck, he hollerED at us, “girlfriends off the stage NOW”. We looked around super confused because we weren’t sure what he meant. He looks at us disapproving and sassily pointing down like “get off”, not realizing we were THE BAND. 

We’re not asking for a lot, but it's 2024 and it's still somehow considered an astonishing accomplishment when a girl group wins best rock performance. also, we would like for people to assume that we’re the band if we’re on stage setting up. And we would like to not be sexually harassed.  

I am also white. What is it like for female musicians dealing with cross sectionality of experiencing multiple types of oppression by these fucking guys? I’m sorry ladIEs!!! 

On the flip side, playing music with other women is extremely refreshing. It is very supportive, and we have trust that another woman is actually capable of doing something, whereas I feel like men a lot of the time assume that we need help or just simply can’t do it. It’s a space where we listen to each other. This past weekend I played with an amazing group for Dharma, playing her new song, “Nobody Special” for NPR’s Tiny Desk audition. I was beyond happy when Dharma said she wanted to sing and play drums simultaneously. It was a very, “Fuck yes, we can do anything” moment. When we were playing I knew we sounded great, and we were all women, and we knew what we were doing. So, yes, Neil Portnow GO FUCK YOURSELF!! 

Members:

Dharma Kikkeri ~ Lead Vocals + Drums
Nina Marguglio ~ Bass
Melody Tang ~ Keys
Kenley Turner ~ Guitar + Backing Vocals

Special thanks to Alex Owens of Pure Life Recording